Only 1 today

dont like this feeling

2010-04-15T15:32:00.002-04:00

Beautiful today, but not in the best of mood to enjoy it. Being home majority of the time is starting to become depressing, and not having no dough makes it rougher. Everything just feel so different, i dont feel that sexual spark with my wife right now ( i have it, i dont think she does). I just feel so insignificant, hopefully when school start all this will pass. I just feel like taking a long car ride. Feels like my only companion is the little one

God is Good

2010-04-13T14:56:00.002-04:00

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!. After months of waiting, i finally received the news. Financial Aid has been awarded. Best thing is, the grant covers the whole semester, so I dont even have to use the loan i been awarded. Everything is a go, that little bit of skeptism has been erased. May 17 will be the first day in preparing for my career. God is good

Falling into place

2010-04-11T18:11:00.002-04:00

im backkkkkkkk. I need to stop neglecting you and my love for writing. Its been so long and I have so much to say, but i'll try to give the quick and narrowed down version. Major life change number 1, I am now a father of 2. Zoe Soleil Richards was born Dec 29, 2009. She is a truly a blessing that was created with the help of unconditional, and unadulterated love. Our home is coming together, we have a nice 2bdroom apt that still a work in progress but its coming along nicely. Finally got my hdtv, and watching it with the wife by my side is the best, and videogaming is breathtaking. i had so much to say, but the hunger is diverting my focus. Im so hungryyyyy, i had salad and 2 boiled eggs. thats not a meal for a man like me. Hmmmmmm, did you know im headed back to school? .......yup, im doing it. With the moral support im getting from my wife, my confidence is at 100. I can do this, and im gonna do this. i decided im gonna be a school teacher, the last thing on earth i ever considered as a profession, is so perfect for me. God was waiting for me to come around, and follow the path he had planned for me, and he put the perfect person in my life to help me get on track. I am so readyyyy. FAFSA wheres my effing money so i can get this ball rolling??? My pockets is screaming to be fed, but i am a still happy, even though these evil forces keep trying to grab at me. sorry to cut it short but im hungry, and can not focus

Football season begin

2009-09-10T20:14:00.002-04:00

What a day, what a day. So many annoyances. Easy route, but a normally short day turned into a long one, because of this bs assignment we had to do in the morning. Seem like every dog today wanted to bark, can you say headache. I even contemplated stomping on a dog's snout today ( and they call Vick cruel). Today is the start of the football season, Steelers vs the Titans, dont care who win, but i hope my fantasy qb (big Ben) put up some big numbers tonight. I planned on going to Fridays to watch the game, eat some wings and maybe drink a long island, but its getting kind of late. I still have to shower and shave (maybe masturbate) feelin horny for no apparent reason. Read day 3 and it lifted me up. I find out TT isnt wearing her glasses at school, that girl she gonna do what sh think she can get away with. I think she will run wild unless she's under my control, Im starting to get a sense that her mom cant handle her. Kickoff is mins away, let me get ready. Wish i had some snacks :(

home sweet home

2009-09-09T19:46:00.002-04:00

Finally made it home. Seem like I was at work forever. Days like this make me just say eff it and quit. Be patient. My blessings are coming. Patience is something i have to work. Sometime i want what i want ASAP. Tomorrow's gonna be another long day, have to attend an event in the morning, before i start my route. *sigh*.........Business is over, let me enjoy my relaxation period.

Another day

2009-09-08T19:37:00.002-04:00

3 blogs in 2 days not bad at all. Pat on the back for me (lol). Went to work, nothing unusual. The day went by smoothly minus, bug bites, and another day of seeing and smelling dog poop. I di my 8 hours, and left business behind until tomorrow. Went to the grocery store got a few items. Even picked up carrotcake. Some o the things i like now, was so eewww to me. Thank you Lord fo sending me someone who can open my taste to different things (love you Joyce). Feels so good to be home, made me a pb and j sandwich, actually it was 2. Im so tempted to make another, but i know dinner is a few short hours away. I can mange. last night i read some previous blogs, and was kind of disappointed that i started something and didnt finish. In order to accomplish goals, I have to finish what I start. I said a little prayer, and began Purpose Driven Life again...FROM THE BEGINNING. read day 1 , 39 days to go. Wife gets off at 9p, so let me shower so i can be fresh for her. Maybe if i spray on some smell good, i might get some tonight.....I'll keep my fingers croosed

A plan

2009-09-07T20:15:00.002-04:00

I been moving in all directions, making life a hassle. Should i do this or should i do that. I wanna be this, I wanna be that. Now that i finally made a decision with the help of my wife, I can move forward with the plans, and work on being a good provider for my family. Unc told me about a job opportunity and what i had to do to qualify for the job. I have my license to ride on a boat, and i get cpr license next week. With the lord Blessing, this job will be mine. This job will be a big step in moving closer to our goals. Job with better pay, school, New home, new car, influential black make teacher, I see a promising future ahead

catching up

2009-09-07T19:53:00.002-04:00

Woooow, Last blog March 19. Feels like so long ago.... So much has happened in the past 6 months. Im a married man. Saying it, seeing it, or writing it, I cant believe it. Leonard's a married man, what makes it even better is that im married to my dream woman, no settling for me. More good news.... My wife is 5 months pregnant, Boy or girl, I dont know, but I do know we gonna give this child everything a child could ever want. This is the way it was supposed to be....Husband and Wife creating a baby together in a happy household. So much plans ahead of us... exciting, but the unknown is kind of scary.

I am not an accident

2009-03-12T20:25:00.002-04:00

I fulfilled day 2 of my promise. I read day 2, it wasnt as interesting as day 1, but it confirmed some things i already knew. I was born for a reason. Even though i wasnt planned by my mother, I was brought into this world for a reason. The book says I was made exactly the way God wanted. My characterizations was all in his plan. Why would he create me with flaws? Why not create every human perfect? That is a question I hope to have an answer one day. If I was created the way God planned, that means i have to accept everything about myself. Verse to remeber: I am your creator. You were in my care before you were born.

Finding my purpose

2009-03-11T19:27:00.002-04:00

So i bought this book titled, "The Purpose Driven Life" The book asks you to make a covenant to commit 40 consecutive days, reading a chapter per day. Today March 11, 2009 I read the first chapter. So far so good. 40 days im gonna try my hardest to blog about the valuable information I took in. I realized that I was living a self-centered life. I do think about others, and usually put others first. The person I should put 1st in life was the one on the back burner. Before my mom knew who I was, God already had me envisioned. If he created me, then he's the holder of my purpose. Im not the most spiritual person, but as i take this step into marriage, I plan to build a stronger relationship with God. Something the book say that touched my heart was " A rope made of three cords is hard to break. With God completing Joyce and I, nothing can stop us. I must learn that its not about me. I must live for God and he will reward me with great Joy and satisfaction. How can i remind myself,that im supposed to live for God and not me? Bible verse for the day, Everything got started in him, and finds its purpose in him. I really cant wait to get into day 2.

Another step towards fulfillment

2009-02-26T19:47:00.002-05:00

How long has it been? For someone who loves to write, I should be on here every other day. I think i have a new item for goal list. From ramp agent to waste removal. You never know what's to come your way. Waste removal may sound like a shitty job (pun intended) but its a nice job. I would highly recommend this job for starters. Being that im 26, im no longer a starter. For the time being im getting by. My blessings and self fulfillment is only steps in front of me. I think im climbing each day. Once i get my financial aid together, i'll be attending college. Hopefully i get this nice paying job my uncle referred me to. In 4 mos i'll be a married man. I say that with a smile on my face. I think about the wedding more than Joyce probaly think. 1st come love then come then comes marriage, here comes the baby in the baby carriage. Lol...so gay. Im hoping this pre marital counseling will push us to have a more active relationship with God. Can i get tatted, drink alcohol, and watch porn and still have a healthy relationship with God? I see so many big things in the future. I only wish for Tianna to go though this happiness with me full-time. Living with her mom is really gonna take away from being in a happy home. Joyce gave me the responsibility of finding our new home. I dont want to hear no mouth when I say this is where we moving to. New job...school...new home...marriage... children. Im going to be a happy and blessed man. while im waiting for tomorrow, i need to focus on today. Planning is coming along fine, but we need about 7k more to be cleared from all wedding expenses. Joyce we need a loan! No matter what i know history is gonna take place July 6. I think everything is coming along good. Once i add the God factor, everything will be great.

catchn up

2008-11-12T22:28:00.002-05:00

I been away for so long. Time just been flyin. Since my last blog, Me and wife to be, took my daughter to Disney World for her bday. We had a blast. As we watchd the disney parade, my daughters reaction brought a tear to my eye. It feels good to show my daughter the good things of life. My team (Dallas Cowboys) have been playing horribly they lost 4 of teir last 6 games. Damn shame. Romo is injured and they're playing shitty. Hopefully we make it to the wildcard playoffs. Most importantly, history was made. We have a Black president. I feel good to be part of history. The papers went like like crazy. My lady works at USA Today, and she barely was able to get a paper, luckily her airhead friend didnt know the significance of what happened and gave her, her paper. Anyway life is good, Im still in love and the days to the wedding is getting shorter

A better life awaits

2008-09-16T20:07:00.004-04:00

Woke up bright and early for 2nd day of class. 5 boring days of sitting in class, listen to a person educate me on being a good ramp agent. From 2 days of class I gathered that i'll be overworked and underpaid, and also that if I make a mistake my life or 50+ passengers lives can depend on it (LITERALLY). Life is full of changes. I remember just yesterday when i was a Security Guard, now im in the process of being a Ramp Agent. Is that really what I really want. I mean who wouldnt want the opportunity to travel for free, or at 95% discounted fee? France. Europe. Brazil. Costa Rica. Africa. Sweden. Las Vegas. Cali. Florida. I mean the places are endless. To travel the world is a big dream of mine and wife to be. This job would make that dream a reality. As much as im siked about the free travel, its many negatives that strips away the joy of traveling for free. Im tired of being broke an unemployed, I feel like this job is a desperation move. Im so grateful to have a strong woman by my side who's keeping me grounded, but sometimes I get slightly depressed that I cant treat Wife to be. Take her to dinner. To the movies. Buy her them things that i know she will look sexy in. Growing up I had aspirations of being a lawyer. Even though i was excited of just the thought of being a lawyer, I was just to immature and misguided to realize, I was the only obstacle in those aspirations. Since then I been so lost, not knowing what i really wanted in a career. One thing that I was sure of, I wanted to live comfortably, and be able to provide for my family. Not to long ago I came across a site about becoming a plumber. Reading the site interested me about the opportunity, but the future earnings interested me more. The more I think about being accepted into the program and having a career in plumbing, I become more excited about the opportunity and less excited about the money. I havent felt this way since I was in school and wanted to be a Lawyer. Now im a mature man and know if I want this I have to go after it. Im excited about having an acquired skill. Im excited about taking this skill and being my own boss. Im exciting using this skill to earn extra cash in my spare time. Im excited about using this skill to make home improvements without having to pay another man. Im excited about being a real estate investor and being able to fix up, my own investment. Im excited about bartering my skill for another persons skill, such as an electrician. Yes im excited about being able to live life comfortably. October 7, I plan to apply and take the test to get accepted in Plumbing apprenticeship program. If I dont get accepted, what steps can I do to chase this opportunity? I dont need to be a ramp agent to travel. We just will have to finance our vacations. If we can afford it, then why not. Ramp Agent or not, our traveling dreams will be fulfilled. So am I wasting my time going through ramp agent training when i honestly dont want to be a ramp agent. As the instructor speaks, and my future co-workers, sit enthusiastically, and talk about how they cant wait to start and someday become lead ramp agents, I ask myself why am i here? Is money that much of a necessity that im willing to take any job thats offered to me? To me. I guess it is. Tomorrow is day 3, being in a place i know I dont belong. Today the instructor went around class and told people individually, what he think would be their best contribution as a ramp agent. He skipped me and 3 other people. Is it because i'm sending off signals that says I dont belong, or this isnt the job for me. Or is it because he think im not capable of being a good ramp agent. Nah it cant be that, every job I had, I was one of the best. If I actually give my all I wont be one of the best, I will be THE BEST. Today as i was web browsing, something inside said go to church. I know I need to go. I know I need to pray. I know I need to believe. I know I need to have faith. I know something better awaits. Its time for change. Where do I start?
Its time to go for what I want and not for whats giving to me.

short on energy

2008-09-15T18:52:00.000-04:00

Finally went to sleep at 4am, and I'm up at 6am. First day of training... So tired I honestly dont know how i made it through 8hrs of sitting at desk in a classroom setting. Dont know how but I made it home safely, Good thing for autopilot. I got my nap in, So im up and ready to root for them Boys in blue. My girl is an Eagle fan so shes on my bad side, until the night is over with... unless my team lose... then i'll give it a week. My girl (BTW her name is Joyce) been endorsing google reader for so long, and now she got me hooked. So im getting my worldly news as i count down for kickoff. Well whats a football game without fattening snacks, Im headed out to get some grub for my private football party.

Some People never change

2008-09-15T02:06:00.000-04:00

Today started out great, a beautiful day, and i was able to relax in the bed with my fiance until she went off to work. My daughter woke me up early to fix her some cereal. As i turned on some cartoons to keep my daughter entertained, I was disturbed by the sight of my fiance's cat vomit on the carpet. If there is 1 thing i hate its vomit. So im up early in the morning scrubbing vomit off the floor. Finally done... back to bed next to my lady. Time passes take lady to work. Get home and turn on the game, Redskins vs Saints. We having problems with cable so I couldnt enjoy game. Anyway Redskins won. Time now a little after 4, about time for me to take daughter home. Call my irresponsible baby mom. Same Story different day she stuck somewhere and cant find a ride home. I hear the same excuse every freaking Sunday. Anyway I try not to overreact I still have until 10 before I pick my fiance up from work. tick tock tick tock 4 turns to 5, 5 turns to 6. Its now 10pm. I call baby moms, to hear same bs excuse. Shes waiting on her ride. So i get my lady and drive to my moms house, to shorten the drive to my baby moms house. 1100 Im still hearing the same excuse. I mean its Sunday night, why arent you home getting your kids fed and stuff together for school and daycare. Some people dont understand the meaning of priorities. What can I say my mom warned me. Im trying to stay calm, but i cant say about my fiance. She's trying hard to stay out of it. I know 1 day she gonna get fed up and speak her mind. In the end, y daughter gets drop off at 1 in the morning. We pull to the house she outside conversing with her "friends" while her child and some other kid is playing outside, like its a sunny saturday evening. WTF!!!!!!!! What parent have their child playing outside so late in the morning. I really think its time for me to takemy child away from her, im afraid if dont she will ruin my childs future. When me and my fiance first started dating, she said something to me that played apart in me choosing her to be my future wife. Would i want my daughter to be like her mother? Hell MF'N NO!!!!!!! My mom warned me, I shouldve listened. Now i have to deal with this sorry excuse for a mother for another decade or so. WHAT AM I TO DO????? I home at 2 in the morning. Time is lost. QT with my lady is lost.